Original series Suitable for all readers

 

AT THE BOARD OF ENQUIRY…

 

Some possible consequences arising from incidents in

‘Captain Scarlet and the Mysterons’

 

By Keryn

 

 

  • Colonel White on finding his pen won’t write, tries again and presses down too heavily on the page of his work folder resting on the control console – setting off several alarms and opening the direct emergency comms channel to the World President in the process.

 

  • Captain Scarlet crashes an SPV once too often, and is not only sent to the driver training facility for a refresher course – he is issued with a restricted licence, and for the next six months is not permitted to drive ANYWHERE without Captain Blue accompanying him.

 

  • Lieutenant Green forgets to disengage his chair from the moving walkway, again, when it is used to transport Spectrum personnel to Colonel White’s console.  Lieutenant Green’s umpteenth submission to Spectrum for funds to install a second moving walkway is again rejected on the grounds it is ‘not cost effective’.

 

  • Captain Magenta is questioned for replacing his official Spectrum-issue sunglasses with a more expensive pair ‘considerably more cool’.

 

  • Insurance premiums rise tenfold for Spectrum vehicles after it is inadvertently revealed that the Mysterons can not only take over craft but operate them ‘without visible personnel’ contravening safety regulations.  Insurance brokers suggest a feasibility study should be done on the possibility of retrieving the mysteronised craft and returning them to service to defray premium rises.

 

  • Spectrum considers renaming the rebuilt Maximum Security Building in order to attract less attention to the building’s purpose, but discussions relating to the wording of the signage have been stalled.  The radical proposal to not label the building at all is seen as ‘innovative…but flying in the face of accepted practice’.

 

  • Captain Black grows tired of severe headaches caused by receiving and relaying instructions from the Mysterons and attempts to stock up on aspirin.  The pharmacist notices he has gathered up dozens of boxes of painkillers and notifies the authorities, concerned his customer may be ‘at risk’ of an overdose.  The Mysterons cause Captain Black to vanish from the chemist shop.

 

  • Captain Black’s headache is now a migraine and he’s also dizzy from being teleported.  He decides to get more aspirin and … oh, forget it.

 

  • The Committee for Infrastructure Repairs and Maintenance on Cloudbase decides Captain Ochre should be billed for the damage he caused when he hurtled the explosive Mysteron pulsator through the Officers Lounge porthole.

 

  • Following the ‘Manhunt’ incident, recommendations are made that the Angels undertake SPV driving lessons – beginning with Symphony Angel.  Captain Blue is NOT to be assigned as her instructor.

 

  • Occupational Health and Safety experts and the Spectrum Fire Safety Committee designate Captain Ochre’s quarters as a hazardous waste zone due to his habit of making model aircraft using noxious and possibly flammable hobby glues and paint.

 

 

  • Captain Scarlet tries unsuccessfully to have his Uniform Maintenance Allowance increased; having used up his allotted annual free replacement of uniform tunics.  The claim is rejected and he is notified ‘in future he must replace damaged uniform tunics at his own expense’. Captain Scarlet calculates he is going to be financially poor for some time.

 

  • The Mysterons resolve to expend more time and effort into the wording of their warning messages as recent evidence has suggested ‘they are not cryptic enough’.

 

  • Doctor Fawn is asked to justify how he could permit any patient, and particularly a patient recovering from a near-death - or actual death - experience, to suffer the additional distress of finding they’ve been outfitted in a pair of hideous orange and brown floral pyjamas.

 

  • The World Heritage Trust (WHT) sends Spectrum a ‘please explain’ letter and bill for restoration over the damage they caused to historic Glen Garry castle.  Spectrum suggests a public subscription to raise funds for its restoration.  WHT rejects the proposal.  Discussions are continuing.

 

  • Following Captain Scarlet’s poorly written report of an investigation in Sydney, Australia during the ‘Manhunt’ incident, it is recommended he undertake a Service Writing Course.

 

  • Captain Blue, with the aid of haute couture expert Destiny Angel, tries unsuccessfully to convince Spectrum not to colour-code his suits.  NO ONE is wearing cream outfits with light blue flaps this season.

 

  • Captain Grey submits a Redress of Grievance (formal written complaint) to Colonel White, citing his career prospects have been hampered by Scarlet and Blue getting all the good assignments … while he only got the boring ones.

 

  • Spectrum is heartened by the Mysteron’s desire to stick to the rules in their War of Nerves, starting with their elaborate attempts to get SPVs … when in reality Captain Black probably knows where they are all hidden and could just help himself.

 

  • The five Angels also submit a complaint to the Colonel stating they would like to ‘occasionally be assigned tasks that are different and more challenging, as it can get a bit repetitive just flying around blowing up stuff’.

 

  • The Mysterons realise their mistake in retaining fashion model Helga after she complains about her limited wardrobe, nags Captain Black to ‘do something about his pallor’ and offers to ‘redecorate the Complex’.

 

  • Captain Scarlet’s ability to retrometabolise worries Spectrum’s superannuation scheme fund managers. Once Captain Scarlet reaches compulsory retirement age, they face the possibility of having to pay him a pension ‘forever’.

 

  • Captain Blue and Captain Ochre are ordered to write a letter of apology to the World Navy to say how very very sorry they are for blowing up the Atlantica defence system tower.

 

  • The World Heritage Trust publicly congratulates Spectrum for ridding the country of the steel and concrete architectural eyesore popularly known as the London Car Vu.

 

  • Colonel White is called before a Spectrum Board of Enquiry for sentencing Captain Scarlet to death ‘without following due process’.

 

 

T H E   E N D ?

 

 

THE BOARD OF ENQUIRY @ SKYBASE

THE BOARD OF ENQUIRY RECONVENES

OTHER STORIES BY KERYN

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